Life after the Mockingjay
by Molliee5793
Summary: "Peeta?" I barely whisper it, not daring to believe. A hand I hadn't noticed before tightens around my waist and rolls me over. I am staring into his beautiful blue eyes. I reach up and rub the delicate skin under his eyebrows, my finger drifts down his nose to his slightly parted lips. I trace the creases of his mouth, memorising them. "Are you real?" I ask him. Lemons later on!
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Hunger Games or any of the characters in this story, Suzanne Collins does. Any name used are not based on real people or events.

**This is my first ever ever fanfiction so please be nice! Sorry for any typos or mistakes (: Constructive criticism is always good and welcome, thank you for reading!**

Days, weeks, months? I have no idea how much time passes, nor do I care. I have no concept of mornings or evenings, only the dull ache of living. Every day is the same, visits from Greasy Sae, every sleep is the same, nightmares that overcome and plague my mind.

Sleep. Eat. Sit. Cry. Eat. Sleep. This is the life of the Mockingjay now.

* * *

I hear a distant knock on the door that startles me awake. I leap from my bed and race down the stairs. My hand locks around the handle and I fling it open. There he stands, soft blonde hair curling beautifully just above his eyes. His piercing eyes that are staring into mine with such love and intensity. The breath I have been holding escapes as I sigh "Peeta". He reaches for me and holds me at arm's length. Hunger over takes his face, fierce raw hunger. First it arouses me, an electrical current runs from the tips of my toes to the roots of my hair. But slowly his top lip curls upwards, into a snarl, a low guttural sound rumbles from deep within his throat. I back away from him stumbling over my own feet onto the floor. My eyes scrunch shut as Peeta pounces onto my limp body! He scrapes my face with his 4inch claws, raking my body to shreds. I know without looking Peeta is a mutt, like the tribute pack from the Games. The mutts that killed Cato, now here in the form of my Peeta, to kill me.

I wake screaming his name, flailing across the bed searching for the arms that have comforted me so many times before. Of course I find my bed drenched with sweat but empty. As it always will be.

* * *

I examine my wrinkled finger tips, I have been soaking to long. Every so often Greasy Sae coaxes me into the bath, filling it with frothy bubbles and calming oils. I close my eyes and listen to Greasy Sae moving around downstairs. I can almost convince myself it is my mother cooking a beef stew for our family or any friends that used to drop by. My hair dangles over the side of the tub and Primrose runs her little fingers through the dark strands, soothing me with her steady breathing and telling me all about her day, taking Posy into the Meadow to pick flowers, teaching Rory how to milk Lady, learning new ways to treat burns.

I sigh and sink my head under the water. My body attempts to retain the oxygen in my lungs, but I let it out in a stream of bubbles. I think about all the people who I have lost; Boggs, Cinna, Finnick, Madge, Rue and Prim... They all died for the cause I started, they died because of me, because of the Mockingjay. It is this thought alone that forces my face out of the water gasping for air. How can I be so damn selfish?! All these people risked their lives and I am willing to throw mine away, even if it is so miserable and terrifying. I remember the feel of my Mockingjay suit between my teeth, the ripping sound and then his flesh blocking my access to the nightlock. I only thought of myself, escaping the pain was all I wanted. But now I know, I deserve to live in this agony.

* * *

My mother's weekly phone calls are my only way of tracking the time. She asks the same questions every time._ Am I eating? Washing? Sleeping?_ I scare her when I laugh dryly and reply with "Mother that is all I do". Mother tells me about her life in 11, the people she has met and helped, how she is learning their recipes and remedies. We never talk about Prim, although I suspect she wants to. Prim lives safely now in my mind, where no bombs or games can harm her, my little duck.

* * *

The sun shines through the open curtains, I watch the dust dance in the beams from my usual position on the sofa. My joints are stiff and aching, begging me to move. My head tilts to the right subconsciously, then I register the crunch of gravel on my pathway. The tread is heavy and even, I know it's not Greasy Sae, I recognise the sound of her limp. I walk slowly to the door, in a slight crouch that is familiar to me, I realise with a start that I am in my old hunting stance. For the first time in months my hand aches for the comfort of my bow. Carefully I open the front door and venture outside.

The daylight makes my eyes ache and I have to squint to see him. My breath catches in my throat, a pain filled mewl escapes my lips. I take in his windswept hair, his determined face, his strong arms, his long powerful legs and lastly his eyes, eyes I know as well as my own. As we stare at each other an overwhelming range of emotions pass through me; fear, anger, love, grief, resentment and relief. But mostly disappointment. Disappointment courses through my veins, twisting my stomach into knots. "W-what are you doing here?" I manage to stammer. His hands reach out to me, and then run through his hair. "I needed to see you. I've come home, home to you Catnip".


	2. Chapter 2

**Not much action in this chapter but it is important! Thank you all for still reading :D**

* * *

Gale Hawthorne sits at my table, his eyes trained on me. I dither around the kitchen, making him tea, trying to occupy myself, doing anything so I do not have to look at him. I'm not sure why I let him in, why I'm allowing him into my home, back into my life. "Catnip" he says, staring at me. I busy myself with mugs and mint leaves.

"Katniss, please". Why is he here? For me? For us? Is there an 'us'? I hope he doesn't notice how much I am shaking or my sweating brow. I take the boiling pot from the stove and attempt to pour the water with my trembling hands.

"Katniss! Look at me" he demands. An agonising sob wretches through me, rocking my whole body. Scalding water splashes my arms and hands, I barely register the pain. Gale is pulling me to the sink, running cold water over my skin. I slump to the floor. Gale crouches in front of me and wraps a damp towel around my burns. Before I know what is happening, I am in his lap, his long arms encasing my body, his lips pressed into my hair, hushing whilst he rocks me.

* * *

My eyes fly open, I scan my room searching for tracker jackers, sickly white roses and screaming children. I focus on my fingernails, as I breath in and out. The sun illuminates the bedroom, so I know it is morning. I pull on my robe and pad down the stairs. On the sofa there is an empty bundle of sheets. I remember the hysterical crying of last night. Gale can't handle crying, he never could. For a moment I feel bad for him then I shake my head. Why should I feel guilty? Gale must have carried me to bed, I thank god he didn't have to undress me, pyjamas are my usual attire nowadays.

"Katniss, come and join us" Greasy Saes voice calls from the kitchen. I wander obediently around the corner to see Gale and Lorna, Greasy Sae granddaughter drawing together. Lorna is giggling at Gales picture, showing off her own. I sit across from them and watch. Gale looks up at me and gives me a rare soft smile, a smile I've only ever seen before in the woods. His eyes brighten for some reason, then I understand why, reaching up and touching my face I find a small but genuine smile in reply, my first in months. I alter my mouth immediately, I cannot let him think everything is okay, nothing is fixed between us yet.

* * *

Greasy Sae leaves around noon with Lorna, not before giving Gale and I a very approving look. We sit facing each other, either end of the sofa. "Katniss, we need to talk, well I need to explain" he begins. I keep quiet, nervously chewing my nails. After years of friendship and love, I decide he deserves me to at least listen. So I give him a short nod.

"I didn't know...I didn't think it would be used, the bombs, yes it was mine Catnip, my creation, but I swear I did not know she was going to use it, Coin...I didn't know" his voice fades away, his hands tug on his hair. I know he is telling the truth, I always did, Gale would never hurt innocent children. He has misunderstood my anger. I break my silence "You didn't visit me in the hospital". I almost add 'he did', but I am not ready to speak of him.

"I was scared, scared you would hate me, I am a coward. I stood outside once, watched you sleep, willed myself to go in but I just couldn't" he admits. I scowl at my knees, salty tears drip into my lap. The thought of Gale watching me sleep in the hospital is confusing, do I like it? No, it makes me feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. But a small part of me is secretly pleased.

"I'm so sorry, I wish more than anything that I never made the bombs, that Prim was still alive" Gale whispers. I visibly wince at her name. I know he regrets mentioning her when he moves forward and takes my clammy hand.

"Yes well, I wish none of it had ever happened, no Games, no Quell, no rebellion, no deaths" I murmur more to myself, examining his hands, counting the tiny scars and scratches.

"And where would we be, Katniss?" he asks me. I remember this same question, from years ago it seems. Just like then I do not know the answer, would we still be friends, more? I take a deep sigh and say "Hunting. Like every Sunday".


	3. Chapter 3

When Gale tells me he has no where to stay, I offer him my mother's old room. I'm sure he could find somewhere but when I have a spare room it seems pointless to make a fuss and he assures me it is not permanent. District 2 will need him back soon. Without thinking Gale begins to tell me all about his work in 2, his involvement in devising new weapons. Silver parachutes flash before my eyes, children reaching up with excitement, flames everywhere. I turn on my heel and flee leaving him speechless. I stay in my room that night, he knows better than to disturb me.

* * *

After a few days we form a routine. Gale helps the workers in the town rebuilding the square and surrounding homes. He works through papers and types on a computer type device, sometimes I watch him. We eat together; Greasy Sae joins us in the mornings often bringing Lorna. I listen whilst the two of them talk about the old Hob, their families and the new town. We mainly sit in comfortable silence in the evenings, watching the television or reading. Gale manages to make conversation now and again.

At bedtime we walk into my room. I climb into bed and tuck the blankets around my body. Gale sits in the chair next to the window and gazes somewhere in the distance. I know he will not leave until my breathing turns heavy and my body limp. But this is a small comfort when your real fear is sleep itself. No matter how Gale may feel about me, how much he would protect me, he cannot keep the nightmares away.

* * *

The front door closing awakens me. I pinch my arm just to make sure I'm not dreaming. _This is not routine_. I swing my legs out of bed, knocking something to the floor. My father's old bow lays there, I frown, last time I saw this bow it was in a tree hollow, in the woods, hidden. Only one person in the world knew this. Gale. Hunting. Like every Sunday.

My head becomes clouded with different thoughts; should I go to the woods? Does he just want to hunt? Talk? More? Am I over thinking everything? I dress slowly in my old hunting gear, the tough trousers hang loose round my waist and the deep green top bags everywhere. Only my supple boots feel right, they will always fit. I stand in the doorway for what feels like an hour, arguing with myself. I stare up at the bright sky and breathe in the fresh air. I need this. I know he will be waiting for me. But what will he be expecting?

* * *

He sits on our grassy knoll. A wild turkey and two squirrels lay at his feet. Of course he knows I am here but he lets me arrive at his side before talking.

"You came" he states.

"Yes, I've missed the woods, I didn't really realise until today"

"I've missed you Catnip" he whispers. "You're not yourself, although you do look better out here".

I look around at the tall trees I scale so well, at the leaves in the undergrowth I can cross silently and agree with him. The woods are my true home. I choose to ignore his confession, it makes me feel confused. Sensing I'm not going to reply, Gale stands, tugs my braid and says "Let's walk".

We wander aimlessly around the woods, eating blackberries straight from the bush and gathering roots for dinner. I feel calm, a state I've seldom entered these days. The quiver of arrows Gale retrieved for me feels good on my back. I find myself stroking the curves of my bow, becoming reacquainted with it.

A rustle to my right makes me turn; a large brown rabbit has hopped into our clearing. Within a second the creature is dead, an arrow buried in its eye. I look up at Gale in shock to find my expression mirrored, his bow still loaded. A wide grin spreads across my face; I shot the rabbit without even thinking!

For the first time in months I feel like my old self. Gale is laughing beside me, his face lit up. He clears the space between us in one stride and wraps his arms round my waist. My arms lay on his chest where I raised them in caution. "I knew the woods would do you good, you're coming back Katniss!" he says proudly still grinning. I know this is not true, I will never 'come back' but there is no point in spoiling the moment.

Slowly his smile fades but his eyes remain bright. He lowers his face so it is inches from mine. A finger slides down my cheek and under my chin, lifting my head. I swallow deeply, my heart drumming in my ears, the adrenalin from my kill pumping through me. Gales gray eyes drift downwards to focus on my lips. Carefully he closes the gap, his mouth meets mine. The kiss is gentle, I can tell he is worried about my reaction. I don't know if it's the excitement, the lack of intimacy I've had recently or if the passion has always been there, but I lock my arms round his neck and deepen the kiss. Gale's hands are everywhere, in my hair, on my face, my back and my rear. He opens his mouth and coaxes mine open with his tongue. I let my own tongue explore, meeting is and moving in rhythm together. I whimper when Gale moves from my lips to my jaw, dotting hot kisses down my neck. He pulls down on my braid so my throat is exposed, his teeth run across my collar bone. I am lifted from the ground, my legs wrap automatically around his waist.

Gale lowers me to the ground and lays on top of me, his weight pressing me into the moist grass. He caresses my body with his hands and kisses me deeply. He pulls back and gazes at my face. "Katniss" he moans, his mouth an inch from mine. But as he moves to my lips I inhale the scent of the woods and of blackberries. Berries. Flashes of me feeding him 'sugar berries', stopping him eating the berries that killed Foxface, and then handing him the nightlock that started a rebellion. I push Gale away from me, and frantically scramble backwards to my feet. "I can't, I'm sorry, I just can't" I manage to say before the tears spill from my eyes. I turn to run but Gale leaps up and catches my wrists.

"Shhhh" he soothes me. "It's okay, talk to me Catnip, its okay". He guides me to a mossy rock and sits me down. I look away and pretend not to notice the bulge straining in his trousers. A red flush creeps up my face; I bury my head in my hands to hide it.

He sits in front of me, balancing on the balls of his feet. "Katniss don't be embarrassed or upset. We have done nothing wrong, it is only natural". I peek between my fingers at him, frowning. I feel so confused, I hate confusion. "It's because of him isn't it?" he asks.

I nod at him. I daren't speak yet. Gale prises my hands away and stares into my eyes. I barely mange to retain eye contact and when he delivers his next line I break it. "Do you love him?" he utters.

"Yes" I answer.

"Do you love me?"

"Yes" I surprise myself with how sure I sound. Gale sighs and rocks back onto his heels.

"Are you in love with me?" he finally asks. My eyebrows pucker at the question. Have I not just answered this question? I think about it, no this question is different. I loved Prim, I loved my father, I loved Cinna, but I was never _in love_ with any of them. In love is different. In love, is loving one person, wanting to be with them forever and only them. In love is painful.

I look down, "No" I say so quietly I can barely hear myself but he does. He plants himself on the ground and brings his knees up. I know what he is going to say before he does.

"And...Are you in love with him?" I hesitate to reply, not because I don't know the answer, of course I do. But because I am scared of his reaction. "Yes" I whisper.

"How do you know you're not in love with me?" he asks "Did our kiss feel good?".

My frown deepens. Yes it did I think but it also felt incredibly wrong. I nod cautiously, deciding to be honest.

"Well feelings develop Katniss, people fall in love over time, it is not immediate".I smile, Gale has just described my feelings towards the boy with the bread.

Gale misinterprets my expression and leans forward, cupping my face, he kisses me again. Like the first time I am overwhelmed and I give in for a moment. His fingers are wrapped in my hair possessively, drawing me closer. What are you doing Katniss? I say to myself. Did the Capitol rob you of your self control as well as everything else? No, it did not!

I pull away for the second time. "Gale, stop" I pant. It is Gales turn to hide his face in his hands, they scrape down his face, leaving pink marks. He closes his eyes for a minute and takes a deep breath. When he finally looks at me he is the Gale I know again. He bounces to his feet, grabs my hand and pulls me up. He jogs across the clearing and picks up my rabbit. As he strides back to me I watch him curiously. "Are you OK?" I ask my old best friend. Gale smiles as he uses a leather cord to attach the rabbit to my belt, he pecks my nose with his lips and laughs "I won't win any hearts acting like an idiot will I Catnip?"

I want to tell him that my heart will never be his, that it is already claimed. I should say it, but I just can't. I don't want to ruin his lighter mood, who knows where an argument may lead. So I just follow him out of the clearing and back towards the now open fence.


	4. Chapter 4

I have avoided Haymitch since I moved back to 12. When Ripper opened her stall in the new town I would watch him from my window, staggering down the Victor's Village path to drown his sorrows. I yearned to speak to him, discuss what happened, Haymitch Abernathy is my only real connection to him. Except I cannot bear to look into his haggard face. I know Haymitch blames me for what happened to his favourite tribute. Haymitch trusted me to bring him back but I left him in the jungle, I went with Johanna to lay the coil. Haymitch blames me for everything. I fully agree with him of course.

So naturally the first time I step outside, we bump into him. Gale and I are just through the gate near my home, returning from the woods, when I spot him. My old mentor stumbles onto the pathway, a nearly empty bottle sloshing in his hand. Panic threatens to over take me; I stand stock still, fearing a confrontation. Gale senses all of this and takes my shaking hand in his. This is the worst thing he could do, I pull away but it is too late. Haymitch leers at me and continues down the gravelly way.

"Replaced him already have you, Katniss?" he calls. His words are like a stab in the stomach, I can't reply. As he comes nearer I notice his bloodshot eyes, the toxic smell of the spirits burn my nostrils. I have never seen him this drunk, not at my first reaping, not even the night they announced the Quarter Quell.

"Haymitch please, she hasn't replaced anyone" Gale says, glaring at Haymitch.

"Been in the woods have we? More secret kisses with your _cousin_ Gale?" he spits, twisting the knife in my gut. Silent tears stream down my face. I feel dirty. How does he know?! I imagine ugly marks left on my neck and face by Gale's lips. Of course Haymitch has no idea how right he is, but still he goes on. It's like he's been waiting to say these things to me, waiting for the chance.

"Did you ever have feelings for him? Anything?! That boy gave everything for you!" I try to tell him that I did love him, I do love him! But my mouth is bone dry, the words trapped.

"Peeta is in the Capitol fighting for his sanity. Counting down the days until he can return to this dump and here you are playing happy families!" he yells, throwing his arms into the air. "I should tell him not to bother, to stay there, find someone decent, someone deserving". I barely hear his insults, I am shocked into speech.

"You've spoken to him?" I stammer. A million questions flood to my lips, I push back the selfish ones and focus on the urgent. "Is he okay? Is he better? When is he back?" Haymitch's features soften for a second at the desperation in my voice.

"He's on the mend" this is all he tells me. The selfish questions brim over my lips.

"Has he asked about me?!" I hate myself instantly for asking it. And so does Haymitch, he shakes his head and his teeth grit together.

"You disgust me. And you" he turns to Gale, who stiffens. "You are just as bad. You two deserve each other".

Gale shoves Haymitch out of the way with such force he hits the floor. I am dragged away from my mentor and up the path. I look over my shoulder to see Haymitch beating his fists on the ground, his bottle smashed underneath his hands. We are in my living room before I can even register us moving. I back away from Gale; this seems to be all I've done today. "Katniss, ignore him, he's an old drunk. He has no idea what he's saying. Don't worry about him" he says with false confidence. I stare at him, his eyes waver to the side just for a second, but that is all I need.

"Yeah, I know. I'm fine. I think I'm just going to go to bed, I'm tired" I add with a little smile. He nods, and kisses me on the forehead. I unhook the rabbit from my belt

"Do you want me to sit with you?"

"No, get some rest Gale. I'll fall asleep straight away anyway, I am really tired".

* * *

I'm actually surprised he lets me go up alone. I strip down to my undergarments and crawl under my blankets. Lying to Gale is much easier than lying to him. I lay awake for hours, watching the sun go down through my curtains. Just after dark Gale comes into my room. "Katniss?" he whispers. I continue with my heavy even breathing, I consider snoring but then dismiss the idea, he knows I don't snore. After a minute or so he retreats and I hear him climb onto the springy matress. I wait about two hours, sometimes Gale reads in bed. I sit up and slip out onto the floor. I quietly dress in some thick, warm trousers and a knitted jumper. The door squeaks slightly as I pull it open, I wince and stare across the landing at his door. I wait 30 seconds and proceed. I allow myself a little grin when I make it to the front door. The night air bites at my cheeks, I rub my arms to keep the heat in. Running across the grass in a crouch, I reach his door in record time.

* * *

His door is unlocked, as it always has been. I creep into his kitchen and find him at the table. His head resting in the crook of his arm, snoring loudly. I am slightly shocked that he is asleep, he finds sleep more terrifying than I do, the daylight offers some comfort to him. I reach under the table and take the knife from his hand. Sitting across the from him I attempt to wake shabby man.

"Haymitch!" I call. His head rolls off his arm onto the table but his snores continue. "Haymitch, wake up!". I am tempted to fill the basin with water and douse him in it, but then I think of his outburst earlier on. "HAYMITCH" I yell, leaning over the table so I'm near his ear. He leaps up, waving his hand at me, his face when he notices it is empty almost makes me laugh. But then I notice the dried blood on his palms, small pieces of glass catch the light from the moon. I frown but then remember the sight of Haymitch pounding the floor, the glass shattered around him.

"Haymitch! It's just me, let me look at your hands" I demand, crossing the room to stand in front of him. He stares at me for a long hard second. I must either look very determined and unrelenting or the pain from his hands is too much, he sinks into his chair and lays out his palms. After searching his cupboards I mange to find some tweezers, bandages and a sealed tube of expensive Capitol medicine. For a moment I want to throw the tube away! I scold myself; this is all you have to help him without going home and finding something. I find some stale bread, the inside is still soft though so I just cut off the crusts and set it in front of Haymitch.

He eats whilst I begin to pick the glass from his other hand. Haymitch barely flinches when I have to dig deeper shards out; of course he has been through worse than this. I think about all the questions that whirred through my mind as I pretended to sleep.

"Is he really okay, Haymitch?" I begin with.

"Yeah, I think he is, well he's getting there" he replies, focusing on his bread.

"And when do you think he'll be coming back here?" I can barely contain the butterflies in my stomach which wish to flutter up and affect my voice.

"A few weeks, maybe less, maybe more. It all depends on his last episode, how bad it was, how he coped".

"Is he coming back here to live? Or just to visit?"

"I suppose sweetheart, it depends what he finds here" Haymitch raises his eyebrows at me and widens his eyes.

"I'm not...with Gale. We're not together, he's just staying with me" I mutter, embarrassed to be talking about this with Haymitch. He looks right into my eyes, waiting for me to waver, just like Gale did, then he would know. We are so alike, Haymitch and I. I glare right back, forcing him to believe me. He nods after about a minute and goes back to his bread.

"You blame me?" I'm not sure if I even meant to say it out loud.

"Yes...and no" he answers. "You should never of left him behind, you should of stayed with him no matter what, that was your job". Even though I'm prepared from them, his words still sting.

"You used me...us" I whisper. "You never told me the plans; you put us in position and used us like pieces in a game, you didn't trust me".

"It was necessary Katniss, you know that now. No matter how much I trusted you I couldn't tell you, you never think before you act, it was too risky. We all make mistakes, especially me and you" his tone tells me to leave it.

"P-Peeta never did, he only had to pay for our mistakes" I take a sigh of relief at saying his name.

"Yes, no question, he's the superior one in this trio". I smile at Haymitch quoting me and nod in agreement.

I wash his dirt ridden hands, cleaning out the cuts the best I can. As I rub the ointment into his skin I find myself muttering soothing words to my old mentor, calming him, like a mother caring for her hurt child. I try to ask it half-heartedly but Haymitch knows I've been holding it in. "So, has he...Peeta ever asked about me?" this time I'm not ashamed to ask, I _need_ to know.

"Every time he rings" that simple answer fills me with hope, I feel like Haymitch has pumped the life back into me. I know I'm failing to contain my grin, Haymitch just shakes his head at me. Then I remember the most important question!

"Haymitch, what did you mean when you said Gale was just as bad?"

He takes a deep sigh, it looks like he's arguing with himself over what to say. "I was waiting for you to ask, but you should ask him, I only know parts of the story".

It's not in Haymitch's nature to tell tales on people, but I accept his advice, I will ask Gale. Haymitch yawns, stretching out his arms, I glance out of the window to see the sky beginning to lighten. "Come on" I say taking his hand gently in mine. I lead him upstairs and into his bedroom. The room is littered with bottles, rotting food and dirty clothes. It hasn't been cleaned since Hazelle left. I pull back the blankets which are surprisingly white and lay him down on the bed. I'm not sure why I'm tucking the man in, or why he is letting me. After years of solitude perhaps Haymitch needs some care and attention. I look down at him and feel a rush of love. He knows me so well, I used to think of myself as complex and deep, but Haymitch can read me like a book. Instead of making me feel vulnerable, for once I am pleased.

"Thank you" I whisper to the man who has saved me so many times. I kiss him on the cheek and perch on the end of his bed, the chair in the corner has been broken for years. Haymitch knows I will wait until he is asleep and it isn't long until his rumbling snores echo around the room, signalling a deep sleep. As weak as we both are, we find security together.

* * *

The sun is just breaking over the hilltops of District 12 when I open my front door silently. I tip toe across the wooden floor and make it to the bottom of the stairs when he speaks.

"Where have you been, Katniss?" Gale asks from the kitchen table. I walk reluctantly into the room; his face is expressionless, composed. My body and mind aches for sleep but I realise my confrontation with Gale cannot wait.

I sit across from him and ask "Why did Haymitch say that about you? What have you done?".

* * *

**Ahhh! Thank you every one for still reading! And for everyone asking, Peeta is coming very soon :D**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you for still reading! This chapter is just Katniss and Gale but it is still important! **

* * *

Gale and I fight like brother and sister. Our shouting is relentless and vicious. It feels like we've been arguing for hours, going round and round in circles, never getting to the point. My cheeks sting from the salty tears of frustration and his hands are bright red from banging the table. Gale's tried several different approaches, he's been soft, tried to approach me but I pushed him away, I will not let him distract me. His worst tactic was silence, he just sat there whilst I yelled, waiting for me to tire myself out. Right now Gale is screaming back at me.

"Katniss! Listen to me! There is nothing to worry about, Haymitch is a pathetic drunk, delirious!" he cries at me. I bristle when he insults Haymitch, I walk over to the window and take a deep breath.

"Gale, Haymitch knows what you've done, he just wants me to find out for myself, he knows everything" I add onto the end, glad he cannot see my face.

"I have been your best friend for years, and you believe him over me?! When have I ever lied to you?" he implores. What he is saying is true, I don't think he has ever lied to me. But I know his face so well, every expression I recognise and I have seen him lie to other people, the way his eyes flit to the side and how he nips the inside of his cheek with his teeth.

"You're lying to me now, I know you are" I say, turning round to watch for his facial tics that give him away.

"I am not! I have nothing to lie about" his eyes flick, a dimple in his cheek appears.

"You are lying to me! You are lying to my face" I scream.

"Will you ever be mine?" he whispers. The dramatic change of tone stops me short. Why is he asking this?

"No" I reply, anger souring my voice. He sits back down at the table, defeated. "Now tell me the truth Gale".

He nods. I return to the table, sinking into my seat. I wave my hand in front of me, go on...

"Well if we're never going to be together there is no point in lying. I didn't realise until you answered me then, I was prepared to fight for you but you are so...stubborn. You can see right through me" he smiles wearily. I say nothing, waiting impatiently for information. "I visited Peeta, in the hospital, about 5 weeks ago".

I gape at him, speechless. Why would Gale visit Peeta? I can count on one hand the conversations I've seen between the two. Then I laugh at myself, this was not a 'get well soon' visit.

"The look in his eyes when I said your name. Like I'd made all his dreams come true, so much love and hope. How could you not see it? Anyway, he asked if I'd seen you in, if I was in contact with you. And, and it just came out I didn't mean to say it but he had his chance" Gale rushes, not daring to look at me.

"What did you say, Gale?" I demand, grinding my back teeth together.

"I...he asked me if I'd spoke to you. And, I told him, I told him you rang me and asked me to come back here. I said you wanted to be with me not him. That you wanted me to come back here for us to start a life...together" he says. He has the decency to sound embarrassed. I cannot believe what I am hearing.

"You did what? You...you lied to him, why would you do that?!" my voice breaks, I am trembling with rage.

"He had his chance with you! I loved you before the Games and lose you to him! It's my turn now!"

"Your turn?! I am not a toy, to be passed around Gale! If you loved me so much maybe you should of said something? I love Peeta and he's never lied to me! He has never needed to!"

We glare at each other, both red in the face and panting. "What did he say when you told him this?" I finally ask.

"He just sat there, staring at his hands. He started muttering something to himself, I just caught little parts like 'Peeta Mellark', '74th Hunger Games' and then your name". Gale of course does not understand the calming techniques preached by the District 13 doctors. Peeta uses my name in his list, my heart leaps.

"When I was about to leave, he said 'You are telling the truth, she loves you? Real or not real?'. I was at the door by then, I didn't look back, I just said 'real' and I walked out. I could him from down the corridor, he was screaming and I heard crashes and bangs from the room. Then nurses ran past me, with needles and restraints" he hangs his head in shame. "I'm sorry Catnip, I shouldn't of done it but I couldn't help myself, we are supposed to be together!"

"No, we are not, you are bad for me. We are bad for each other" I tell him. I think about if things had been different and Gale was reaped for the Games. The Capitol could still of had it's fierce District 12 tribute. He could so easily of been the boy on fire. "You can't fight fire with fire Gale".

"What, and Peeta's so good for you?"

"Yes" I breathe "Yes, he makes me want to be a better person. You...well just look at us".

Gale stands and looks down on me before saying "You are _meant_ to be with me, I can protect you and provide for you in ways he never can".

"You will protect and provide for someone Gale, but it's not me. Please leave now".

I stay at the table whilst he gathers his stuff. Greasy Sae walks in with Lorna at some point, she sees Gale packing his bag on the sofa and my position in the kitchen. "Gale, where are you going?" Lorna asks curiously.

"Come child" Greasy Sae says, leading the little girl back out of the house.

Gale, stands outside the kitchen watching me. I think he wants to say something but then changes his mind and walks straight out of the door. As soon as my head hits the pillow the tears stream down my face, I pull the blankets over my head and mourn my best friend who has just left my life forever.


	6. Chapter 6

Life goes on just as it did before Gale. There are some differences of course. I now visit Haymitch daily; we eat dinner together most evenings. I ask him about Peeta constantly, I try to hang about and wait for him to call but it never works. Haymitch tells me the doctors will not let him have the telephone number of the hospital, privacy or something. So I cannot ring Peeta myself, I'm not even sure I could anyway. I think Haymitch has told Peeta about Gale and I, explained what happened between us. However Haymitch is drunk for most of their conversations so he isn't too sure. I wish Peeta would ring me.

Greasy Sae still comes around in the mornings. She never asks about Gale. Lorna is also suspiciously quiet, indicating to me that her Grandmother has warned her. I say a silent thank you to Greasy Sae, I am not prepared to answer a child's questions about adult matters, especially when I am barely an adult myself.

I hunt. Nearly every day. This is probably the only positive factor taken from Gale's visit. No, I now understand Peeta's silence better. The woods slowly help to bring me back to life. I try and spend as much time out there as possible. I have enough money to buy my own food, so I give most of the game to families in the town, it is the least I can do. New faces begin to appear in 12, filling the empty houses and opening shops. People still stare at me when I walk through the square and look away when I meet their gaze.

* * *

I feel OK when I am occupied, when I am busy hunting, socialising, eating. Nothing can stop my nightmares though. With no control in my sleep, they take over my mind. Prim dying over and over again. Peeta right in front, retracting every time I reach for him. Haymitch letting me starve to death in the Arena. White rose petals covering my face, the scent filling my nose, clouding my brain.

* * *

One day for no apparent reason, I find myself in her bedroom. A layer of dust covers the carpet and all the surfaces. A vase of flowers sits on the window sill, the dandelions drooping over side, dead. The wall above her bed is covered in drawings, in pink paper cut outs 'P-R-I-M-R-O-S-E' is spelt above them. I recognise some of Peeta's sketches, the Meadow, Prim and Buttercup, me. I perch on the side of the bed, trying not to disturb her blankets. I pull open the top compartment of her drawers and pull out a fistful of hair ribbons. I run the silky material over my top lip, inhaling the faint scent of my little sister. I choose a long blue ribbon and tie it around my left wrist in a bow. I glance back into the draw and something catches my eye. Underneath the array of pastel colours a deep brown book sits. I take it out and lay it on my lap. Should I open it? Prim clearly hid the book, from me? I think about my sister, so open, honest and trusting. Would she want me to open it? Yes, I decide. I slide down onto the floor and sit cross legged.

I open the thick book to the first page. I smile at Prim's handwriting, some of her letters are wobbly from over concentrating.

_'Happy Birthday Katniss!'_ the first line reads. I realise with a shock that my birthday is 3 weeks away. Yes, Prim would have wanted me to find this.

_'I hope you like your gift, I think I got everybody in, we can add to it over the years as you meet new people? You make me so proud to be your sister, thank you for everything. I will love you forever, your little duck, Prim'_

I quickly wipe away the tears, not wanting them to stain the pages. Below her message is a photograph of Primrose and I, taken years ago as children, she sits on my lap, arms wrapped around my neck. She is smiling into the camera; I am looking down into her face, laughing. I run my fingers over the picture and find an unexpected texture. I bring the book up to my eyes and realise it is not a photo but a perfect replica, a drawing in so many vivid colours it tricks me. Peeta.

I turn the page to a sketch of my mother and I, before things between us became strained. I think it is my first day of school.

_'Katniss, you are so brave. You brought me back to life and raised Prim beautifully, for this I am eternally grateful. I wish your father was here to see you, you are so alike, he would be proud. Happy Birthday my little girl'._

A rush of love for my mother fills me, I make a mental note to ring her soon, maybe even visit her. The next couple of pages hold birthday wishes from Gale, Madge, Greasy Sae, Effie, my prep team and Haymitch. On each page Peeta has drawn them with me. I remember a week before the Quell when Prim insisted I have my photo taken with everyone we know. I wonder when she got Peeta to illustrate the book; I guess they spoke to each other more than I thought.

_'You have been an absolute pleasure to work with Katniss. You are a true inspiration to me. If you ever get the private wedding you deserve, then look in your mother's closet. And remember I'm betting on you, Girl on Fire'_ the picture of Cinna and I was taken on the day I modelled the wedding dresses. I try and ignore the white, pearled monstrosity I am wearing and focus on Cinna's beautiful face, I admire the gold eyeliner flicks, so subtle yet Peeta manages to make them stand out.

I frown, all the messages have a hint of goodbye to them. Did my loved ones believe they would never see me again? Of course they did. It upsets me that my little sister knew this much, knew more than I ever thought. Even before the Quarter Quell was announced she understood we were in danger.

The last page is of course his.

_'Happy Birthday Katniss, I hope you like the book and the drawings. Yours always, Peeta'_. So simple, but so powerful, as Peeta's words always are.

I stare at the picture. I am looking past the camera into a crowd? Yes I think it is a still from our Victory Tour. Peeta is stood behind me to the side, his eyes trained on me. And then I see it, what Gale mentioned. Love is radiating from his eyes, I can almost feel it on my skin, I have no idea how Peeta translated this to paper. I close the book and hold it to my chest. I rock backwards and forwards as pain filled wails fill the empty room. I cry for my sister, my father, my friends and my lost love. I cover my face with my shaking hands.

And then he is there, prising away my fingers and cupping my face. He wipes away my tears with kisses. I have no idea if this is real of not, I could be dreaming. I am lifted from the floor into his strong baker's arms. I let myself relax, turning into him. Even if this is a dream, it's the best I've had in so long I cling to it hoping no night terrors rip him away from me. The boy with the bread carries me to my bed and lays me down. Finally he shapes himself around my body, protecting me with his. "_Always_" he whispers.


	7. Chapter 7

I scrunch my eyes shut when they begin to flutter open. _Please let it of been real_, I pray. Lying perfectly still, I use other senses to explore the room. I recognise the gentle, even breathing coming from somewhere behind me. _This has happened before remember, you turn and Snow lays there or Mags is making fish hooks from bones, Prims bones._ I quietly sniff the air around me; cinnamon, sunshine and the faint chemical smell of paint. The scents are familiar to me and know exactly why.

"Peeta?" I barely whisper it, not daring to believe. A hand I hadn't noticed before tightens around my waist and rolls me over. I am staring into his beautiful blue eyes. I reach up and rub the delicate skin under his eyebrows, my finger drifts down his nose to his slightly parted lips. I trace the creases of his mouth, memorising them. Is he really here? Has my boy with the bread returned to me? The whole time he just watches me patiently. My mouth is dry, I swallow. "Are you real?" I ask him.

"Yes" he says. Happiness overwhelms me. I move closer to him, wrapping myself possessively around his body. My leg slips between his, my arms lock together over his back. I try to tie myself to him in every way physically possible. Peeta tucks my head under his chin and strokes my hair. I feel tears drip onto my forehead and run down my face, mingling with my own. Here in his loving embrace, I am home.

* * *

The sky outside is growing dark when hunger finally forces us out of bed. Peeta stands at the end of my bed and stretches. I drink him in greedily, watching as his top rises up when his arms do, revealing his tanned abdomen, the tantalizing 'V' that his pelvic muscles create. I flush when he sees me looking. For a moment I think he's going to climb back into bed with me, but then he just smiles and offers me his hand. I pout slightly but this just widens his grin.

Peeta and I sit at the table eating bowls of turkey casserole. Greasy Sae must have cooked it earlier. Embarrassment colours my cheeks thinking of her down here whilst we lay upstairs, not that we got up to much. We are quiet, I feel shy now he is right in front of me. In the bed we didn't really talk, odd words and sentences but no important conversation. "Oh, how did you get here?" I ask, I remember a moment of confusion last night, wondering how he was there.

"I got the train back from the Capitol yesterday and came straight here. I stood at the door, I knocked for a while but nobody came. And then...then I heard you crying, from outside. I didn't know what was happening; I thought you might have been in trouble. The door was unlocked anyway, so I ran in and found you in her room". Even now, knowing I am safe, worry leaks into his voice. "Now, please tell me about you and..you and Gale".

I stare down into my food. "Hasn't Haymitch told you?" I ask cowardly. I really do not want to talk about this. I've only just got him back, what if this drives him away?

"He told me bits, he was drunk of course. But I want you to tell me, I need to hear it from you Katniss" Peeta says firmly.

I have no idea where to begin, what to say to him. Peeta deserves to know the truth, so I decide to be honest and tell him everything. I take a deep breath.

"Peeta, what he told you, in the hospital it isn't true, any of it. I didn't ring him, I didn't want him to come here! You have to understand that?" I beg, he looks at me for a long moment and then nods. "And then he was here, back in 12. Nothing happened, until...until we went hunting. I'd shot my first game in months, the excitement, I don't know it just happened. We kissed, twice, but that's it" I glance at Peeta but he is focusing on his hands. "And then we saw Haymitch and he mentioned something about Gale being as bad...as bad as me. I spoke to Gale and we argued and he told me about visiting you. I asked him to leave, I haven't seen him since" I finish.

Peeta still stares down. I am desperate to see his face, I consider asking him to look at me but I don't want to push him. He stands and walks out of the kitchen; before he leaves he turns round and says "I just need some time. The thought of you and him together...I just need to be alone". And then he's gone.

* * *

I wait a while at the table, watching the hands of the clock make their journey round the circle. But this just reminds me of the Quarter Quell, of Finnick. I consider going over to see Haymitch, but Peeta may have gone to speak with him, so I traipse up to bed, eating a handful of nuts.

* * *

He comes back, of course he does. His weight on the bed wakes me up. I look up at Peeta to find him smiling, only tiny traces of stress remain around his eyes. "Are you okay?" I ask him warily. He slides under the blankets and pulls me into his side. I nestle under his arm, resting my head over his steady heartbeat.

"Yes, sorry for running out you but I just needed time to think about things, us"

"Where did you go?"

"To the bakery. The new one is being re-built right on top of the old, I don't know if you've seen it? Anyway, when I was little and my mother used to shout I'd squash myself behind the flour sacks in the pantry and just sit there for hours, hiding from her" he tells me. I think of myself back in 13, squeezing under pipes in the laundry room. I understand the urge to get away from everyone and everything. But back here in 12 I've never felt the need to hide, and then I remember the purple bruise left on his cheek by his mother when he burnt the bread. She was truly terrifying.

"And you came back here" I conclude for him, a questioning tone to my voice. He leans down and plants a little kiss on my nose.

"I did. I decided that Gale, my condition, the Games, the rebellion, they are things of the past. To be together Katniss we need to focus on the...you do want to be with me?" he asks, his face riddled with worry, hope and desperation. We haven't spoken about being together; I just assumed we would be forever now. Peeta knows this as well, he just needs me to say it.

I let out a small laugh and reach up to kiss him. "Of course I do, I love you Peeta, for always" I say into his mouth.

* * *

**Yay! He's back :D this sounds like an ending but it isn't, don't worry! The next chapter will be on later! Thank you for still reading, leave reviews telling me what you think please! (:**


	8. Chapter 8

Slowly but surely, Peeta helps bring me back to life and in return I start to repair him. It isn't easy. There are dark, terrifying days where I lay in catatonic states, Prim is pushed out of her safe haven in my mind into the most horrifying dangers. The nightmares continue as always, except I have him back now, to reassure me when I wake. Dr Aurelius says we should talk about what happened together, so we try. Sometimes it helps, I feel better when we talk about Cinna but not Finnick or Rue.

Peeta is still on his medication, he thinks he will be for life. But sometimes the demons planted inside him by the Capitol rear up their ugly heads. He flies into awful rages, locking himself in my room or fleeing to his own house to keep me safe.

The worst hit a couple of weeks after his arrival in 12. I'm still not quite sure what caused it; one minute we were remembering Boggs, the next he was screaming incoherently. He grabbed my shoulders, shaking me with rage. I begged him to let go, tears streaming down my face. And then he just stopped and stared at me before fleeing. I know he didn't mean it, I cannot blame him. I may not shout, or throw things or pull at my hair. But he is always there for me when my horrors surface and he needs me to be here for him. There is nothing I can do but wait. When he returns I hold him, stroking his hair, kissing him carefully, hushing when he apologises over and over.

* * *

Peeta focuses his energies into creating the new bakery. He names it 'Rance's Bakery', after his father. I stand quietly in the background on the opening day, my heart swelling with pride. Peeta makes a beautiful speech to the people gathered round, thanking them, paying respects to his family and theirs. In the shops large kitchen, Peeta teaches me how to bake. After experimenting with frosting he decides I am more suited to easier bread making. We end up covered in flour every time, throwing the white powder at each other. Our play fights always end in sweet kisses that turn heated and intense. Peeta pulls away first, I never know why.

* * *

I take him out into woods and show him how to hunt. He has about as much talent for shooting as I do for cake decorating. But I am patient, is loud tread that drives away game is endearing to me now. He brings the family plant book and adds to it as I point out new herbs, roots and fruits. With my kills and his cooking we provide for Haymitch as well as ourselves. Our mentor eats with us every night, the change in him is remarkable. He still drinks of course but he is brighter, happier, he is part of a family now. Haymitch, Peeta and I. All broken, together.

* * *

I rub the worn blue ribbon around my wrist across the bridge of my nose subconsciously. The sun streams through the canopy of leaves above. The light tinges my pale skin orange, _Peeta's favourite colour_, I think. I turn my head in his lap to look up at him. He is focusing on his sketch of the woods; through his parted lips I can see perfect teeth biting his pink tongue in concentration. His long pale eyelashes cast shadows down his cheeks. This beautiful, beautiful person is mine. I want him to be mine in every way, mine to keep. How can I show him I am his too? I want him to know. Sometimes I think he doubts it, like I could be snatched away from him at any moment. I understand his worries because they are identical to mine. I think of a way to show him, if he will let me. Every time I think it's going to happen he draws away, smiling apologetically. I blush at the thought. _No Katniss, do not be shy. _

Peeta notices me staring, and then he registers the look in my eyes. I take the pad from his hands and lay it on the ground. I move so I am crouched in front of him, cupping his face in my hands. Slowly I press my lips against his. We share pleasant kisses for a while, the searing heat I felt so many times before reignites. It spreads from my stomach, up to my hands, my mouth and downwards, making me yearn for more. I open my mouth and use my tongue to persuade his open. "Katniss?" he breathes, pulling away slightly.

"Peeta, I want to do this, I am ready" I say, determined. He looks at me for a while, searching for any reservations. He nods when he doesn't find any. I reach down and take off his sturdy boots and socks before my own. He lays me down onto the grass, freeing my hair from its braid, creating a halo around my head. I let him take control, closing my eyes; I give myself fully to him as he kneels between my legs. He runs his hands up my arms, using his fingertips to heighten every nerve in my body. I feel his soft lips against my neck, working their way up to my mouth. Desire takes over me; I want this boy, now. Hands glide from my hips to my breasts, pulling up my shirt with them. I realise then, his eagerness giving him away that Peeta has been waiting a long time for this moment too. He tugs the hem of my top, a question. Opening my eyes, I nod. The material rushes over my head; he slips a hand underneath me and unhooks my bra, leaving me bare. At first I feel vulnerable, but his gaze is so loving, so accepting, that I relax. Resuming at my neck, he litters hot kisses along my collar bone, over my chest and down to my left breast. He takes my nipple into his warm mouth and sucks, his fingers kneading my other breast. I feel myself become wetter and wetter, I grind my hips against him, seeking some kind of relief. I moan at the new sensation, scrunching the back of his shirt in my fist.

Before I can act, he sits up and drags off his top. I gasp. He is so beautiful. I trail my finger over the pelvic muscles I have caught myself admiring so many times. His eyelids flutter at my touch. Feeling brave, I continue my journey downwards, until I am rubbing the ready bulge in his trousers. A growl comes from Peeta's throat, the sound is carnal, arousing. I sit up and kiss his chest, his toned stomach. My fingers find his buttons, I fumble trying to undo them, trembling with anticipation. He waits patiently for me to unfasten his trousers before wriggling them down, along with his undergarments, to his ankles and kicking them off.

It is Peeta's turn to feel shy. He looks down and his hands hover self consciously. I stare at him, head tilted to one side. I'm not sure what I imagined, but he surpasses my expectations. I want to touch him everywhere, trace every line of his body, every little scar. Our bodies are so alike, marks from our past scattered all over. I stroke a jagged pink line puckering across his abdomen, I forbid myself from wondering what caused it.

Peeta is watching me intently. I let a small reassuring smile play onto my lips and reach for him. I run my curled palm up and down his shaft, squeezing slightly, from Peeta's reaction I know I am doing OK. Better than OK. He is biting his lower lip, hands balled up in my hair. Without thinking, I bring my mouth to his manhood, resting my hands on his strong thighs. I kiss him lightly, my tongue rolls around the tip of his throbbing member. I take him in deeper, tightening my lips as I move. Peeta shudders, he cannot handle anymore. I pull back and grin up at him, but his expression slackens my jaw, quickens my breath. Desperation. He needs me.

My khakis are off before I even noticing him moving. Peeta runs his tongue between my breasts, past my belly button. My eyes roll into the back of my head as he massages me through my knickers. Slowly he rolls the briefs down my legs before parting them. His teeth graze the inside of my thighs, and then his tongue is there. I let out a low whimper as his tongue flicks over my clit, the pleasure is incredible, my lower muscles clench with excitement. My nails dig into the earth, my hips buckle towards him. The world blurs out of focus, all I can think about his Peeta and his tongue.

And then he stops. My body begs for his touch again, the fire still not quenched. His face comes into view, I taste myself on his lips. He hesitates for just a second before guiding his self into my wetness, without breaking our embrace. I wince as he pushes into me. He pulls back gently, watching me, assessing my reaction. Peeta thrusts carefully, filling me before settling into a pleasing rocking motion. I gasp taken aback with how amazing it feels. Automatically my legs wrap around him and he slips a hand underneath my rear, raising me from the ground allowing him to penetrate deeper into me. His other hand runs frantically all over my body, tugging my hair, caressing my face, rubbing my breasts. My muscles tighten around him, the sensation building and building. And then I am there. I cry out, exploding into to a million satisfied pieces. He pumps two more times into me, letting out a deep moan before burying his face into my dishevelled hair.

We lay staring up at the sky, basking in our post orgasmic glow. Gradually I begin to notice my surroundings again, the chirp of a bird, the rustle of leaves. Thankfully no animal, or person for that matter, disturbs us. I cannot believe just how perfect it was. Since I never had any real girl friends, I only had vague ideas of what it would be like. I remember a girl, Marnie Budbold I think, telling her friends about her first time behind me in a Mathematics class. She had said it was disappointing and over in about a minute. I smile, glad my first time was better, of course she didn't have Peeta. Anything Peeta does is usually exceptional.

"Katniss?" says Peeta, halting my train of thought. "When did you know you loved me?" The question is so similar to one I asked him once. When our romance was pretend, for the cameras, a million years ago.

"Hmmm, I'd say about 5 minutes ago?" I try to keep my face straight and fail.

"Oh yeah?" he replies, poking me in the ribs. "Well I've got what I came for now, I'll be long gone by morning!". I giggle when his poke turns into a tickle. Peeta joins in with my laughing. Peeta's laugh makes the world seem a better place, I realise I don't care how long this feeling lasts or when it will fade, because right now I am blissfully happy.

"Well?" he asks, still beaming at me.

"There wasn't one moment when I just realised. It was like lots of little moments that all added up. Like..." I think about it for a second, trying to compose my words. "Like, do you remember the night on the beach in the Quell?" He nods. "When I woke up, I felt, so content, happy. And then when the force field nearly killed you? And when you were taken, and I saw you on the television? And when you were saved and I ran to in the hospital? Even when you painted Rue on the training room floor, I felt something then" I finish, out of breath. So much for composed I think, pretty sure my words were completely jumbled.

"Oh Katniss..." he begins, but I cut him short, locking my lips on his, overcome with emotion. We roll over in the grass, absorbed in each other immediately.


	9. Chapter 9

I step out onto the platform and look around. I am stood in the middle of a beautiful meadow, the long swaying grass tickles my knees, and the sweet nectar of the flowers fills my nostrils. The meadow is familiar but I cannot think why. A hand takes mine and pulls me along towards the centre of the field. I follow Peeta willingly, eager to see more of this lovely place. Something catches my eye, making me whirl round. Haymitch is sprinting towards us. Except he looks younger, fresher, sober. Then I see what he is running from. They stagger behind him, arms out stretched, jaws grinding together. I spot Glimmer, Cato, Chaff and then Mags, Finnick and Rue. Every dead tribute I know. Crossing the meadow, hungry for my little family. "Katniss" they hiss. "Katnissssssss".

"Katniss!" Arms wrap around me, their moaning is deafening. I try to beat them away but their hands grab my shoulders. "Katniss wake up, please!" he begs. A shrill scream forces my eyes open. Peeta is holding me close, wiping away my tears. I glance around the carriage but it is empty, thankfully. The slow rocking of the train soothes me. _It was just a dream. _Similar to the ones I've had nearly every night since Peeta asked me to visit the Capitol. They always begin with me on a station platform and always end in mine and Peeta's death. For the hundredth time I regret agreeing to this trip. I take my pearl from its little pocket and rub it against my lips, Peeta smiles, he was so pleased when he realised I still had his gift. I settle back into my plush purple seat and close my eyes again, reviewing my decision to come here.

* * *

_My forehead rests against his chest. I press tender kisses into his skin. I am still sat straddling Peeta, the aftershocks of my orgasm rippling through my satisfied body. Peeta begins to make a little braid in my hair, his brow furrowed. I know he wants to ask me something, he's been waiting for the right moment for days. I haven't questioned him; he'll ask me when he's ready. I slowly lift myself off him and roll onto the bed. _

_"Katniss?" he mutters. I smile at the shyness in his voice. _

_"Peeta?" I answer, mimicking him._

_"I've been meaning to ask you something"._

_"Oh, have you? I hadn't noticed!" I say laughing. I am always in a good mood after sex, Peeta chose his moment well. _

_"I...I want to show you something". Show me something? Now I am intrigued. _

_"Go on..." I say, puzzled. _

_"I want to show you something, but its...it is in the Capitol" he murmurs._

_Any trace of a smile fades from my face. I sit upright, hugging my naked knees. _

_"Katniss" Peeta says softly. I hold up my finger, I need a minute. The Capitol. _Where all your worst fears become reality_. Eurgh! Even the name has sweat filling my palms, streaming down my back. Bombs, Coin, death, children, mutts, Snow, costumes, sorrow. That is the Capitol. But then I stop, no that was the Capitol, apparently. The broadcasters now throw around words like freedom, justice, equality, new beginnings. Words Capitol clowns do not know the meaning of. _

_I glance at Peeta, drawing invisible patterns on my shoulder with his thumb. I know Peeta wouldn't ask me to go if it wasn't important to him. There is no point in asking what it is; he would just tell me if he wanted. Peeta. The only person who could possibly make me go back there. I decide to trust him. _

_"OK" I finally say. Peeta lets out a sigh of relief. "But that's it. You show me this thing and we leave. No official business. No parties. No stylists". He stares down at the blankets, awkwardly toying with the frills. _

_"Peeta?! Tell me" I demand._

_"Well, it's the anniversary feast in a few weeks and Paylor really wants us there"._

_The anniversary? Then it hits me. A year has passed since the war ended. Prim has been gone a year. "Why? Why does she want us there? We did our bit Peeta!"_

_"She says we are needed to keep up the public image. Show that we're still behind the rebellion, that it was the right thing to do. I think some people still need convincing". I glare at him, he clearly means me. _

_"Katniss, it's the right thing to do!" he says, his tone urgent._

_"I don't care if it's the right thing! I am sick of doing the right thing! I'm not going, end of! Is there even something you want to show me'? Or is that to get me there?" I shout. I leap off the bed and storm into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. _

* * *

It took days to persuade me. Peeta had to make several promises to convince me. He would make any speeches needed. He must be by my side at all times. We stay in a hotel nowhere the Presidents mansion. I did get to keep one of my original conditions, no stylists. I felt a bit better when I learnt Haymitch will be there as well.

Peeta rubs his thumb across the back of my hand. "We're here" he says.

I stare out of the window at the city. It looks more or less the same, maybe less colourful. There is no trace of destruction. Like the war never even happened. The buildings are all standing to attention, towering above the streets. Paylor has been working very hard indeed. The train screeches to a halt. My heart thuds in my ears. Peeta pulls our bags from under the seat and takes my hand.

The chrome doors slide open, revealing the pristine platform. I stand on the edge of the train, terrified. Peeta steps out and turns to face me. Nothing grabs him, nobody runs to kill him, he is safe. "Come on baby" he reaches up and hooks his hands under my arms, lifting me from the step, making me laugh. He pulls me to his chest and kisses my pale lips.

* * *

Squeals of delight meet me as I open the hotel door. Octavia, Venia and Flavius bound over like giddy puppies. I glance over my shoulder at Peeta, rolling my eyes. My old prep team fuss over me, exclaiming over the length of my hair, my 'bushy' eyebrows, and my chewed nails. I may have demanded no stylist but Haymitch insisted I have the prep team.

Peeta lies on the bed watching with faint amusement as they begin my makeover. Octavia chats away, telling me all about her new house and the terrible trouble she had finding the right wallpaper to match her carpet. Flavius has opened his own hair salon in the centre of the Capitol, he took the day off so he could 'make me look my best'. Clearly this is supposed to be a huge privilege, so I thank him profusely, keeping him happy. Venia is quieter than usual. Occasionally I spot her giving me sympathetic looks, maybe she understands how hard this is for me. At least somebody does.

Three hours later I emerge from the bathroom. My prep team all gasp and clap excitedly. Peeta gives me an adoring smile, he looks wonderful in his fitted suit. I turn and look into the full length mirror. The dress I chose is a deep emerald green. It just skims my knees, floating out due to the puffy underskirt. I wobble towards my reflection, the black strappy heels making me unsteady. My hair is loose, waving over my bare shoulders, it shimmers when I move; Flavius has made it look so healthy. Big, gray eyes stare back at me, framed with perfect even eyelashes. I smile, happy with how I look for the first time in ages.

* * *

I push the raspberries around my plate, popping the odd one into my mouth. My stomach isn't accustomed to this rich food anymore. This is the fifth dish to of been served and I suspect there will be more. Peeta is talking to a man on his right, Carnem Smick? Something like that. The woman next to me has attempted to make conversation with me but after several goes she gave up and just turned to the lady across from us. I've kept quiet all evening, only speaking when necessary, avoiding eye contact with people who look eager to approach me. I don't realise Paylor has started her speech until Peeta nudges me.

"One year ago today the rebels overcame the Capitol. We took it from the grasps of the oppressors and gave it back to the people!" she goes on and on, I stare at my oval fingernails, examining the little flowers Octavia painted on them. And then she says my name.

"I want to thank Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark for joining us here tonight. They both played essential roles in defeating the Capitol. The Mockingjay became the symbol people looked up to, it gave them hope, it inspired them to fight. Katniss embodied everything that the bird represents, she became our Mockingjay". Every single person in the room stares at me. I blush under their gaze, fixing a strained smile onto my face. Peeta reaches under the table and gives my hand a reassuring squeeze. I try to find a familiar face, someone I can focus on. Haymitch gives me a subtle wave from across the room. I wish we were sat with him but Plutarch wanted us all spread out, thankfully he knew Peeta and I wouldn't be seperated, saved me an argument.

The first time I get to talk to Haymitch is when the dancing begins. Waiters in crisp white uniforms clear away the tables for the dance floor.

"Alright sweetheart?" he asks, wrapping an arm around my waist. He pulls me on to the shiny wooden floor without asking. We sway to the music, neither of us great dancers.

"Yeah, I'm OK" I answer truthfully, I expected it to be a lot worse.

"How's he doing?" he nods his head in Peeta's direction. His blonde head is visible in the middle of a group of admirers, just like at school. His hands move animatedly, he is so good at this kind of thing. Socialising, meeting new people. Haymitch and I are not, both keeping ourselves to ourselves, sticking to a few friends. Haymitch waits for my response.

"Peeta's good. It's been...23 days since his last episode. We are doing good" I say with a smile. We chat about my hunting, the town, old District 12 residents moving back. All normal things that seem wildly out of place here.

* * *

For about half an hour I am passed around the room. People wanting to meet me, have their picture taken with the Mockingjay. I am a celebrity here; most girls would love the fame. I just think it's ridiculous and misplaced. Finally Peeta catches up with me. His hands slide around my waist from behind encasing my body. I didn't realise just how tense I felt until I relax into his arms.

"How are you?" he asks me. I give him the same reply I gave Haymitch. But Peeta knows me better.

"We can go back soon, don't worry" he lowers his head and kisses me softly. "Shall we dance?".

As we are making our way to the dance floor, hand in hand, he steps into our path. My heart leaps into my mouth. Why is he here? Oh, of course. He had just as much to do with the rebellion as I did. Paylor probably mentioned him in her speech, I should have listened.

"Katniss? What's wrong?" Peeta hasn't noticed him. He follows my gaze and his face hardens at the sight of my old best friend. Gale looks up and sees us. There's nothing we can do now. I gulp, this is going to awful. We make our way towards each other. I try to look any but at him. A gaggle of women sipping bubbly blue drinks are whispering to each other, sneaking glances at Gale. He is lovely. His dark hair his cut shorter than usual, gray eyes shining under the lights.

And then we are in front of each.

"Hello Katniss" he says smoothly. I am glad he didn't use my old nickname, it is too personal now.

"Hello Gale" I answer, trying to mimic his easy tone. I have no idea what to say.

"Peeta" Gale nods politely. Peeta replies in the same manner. Only I can tell just how agitated he feels, the bones in my hand are screaming a silent protest. I rack my brains, what could I possibly say to ease the tension? Just when I am about to mention the miniature potatoes we had for dinner I am saved.

A tiny woman pops up at Gales elbow. She really is tiny, maybe 4'11", dwarfed even more by Gale's 6' 3" stature. Her honey blonde hair is teased into perfect curls, framing her angelic face. Big blue eyes gaze up at _my_ best friend, old best friend I correct myself.

"Oh, Katniss, Peeta. This is Rye, Rygan Galloway". Rye extends her delicate hand first to me, then Peeta. We exchange pleasantries. Rye explains her involvement in the rebellion to Peeta, I gather she was some kind of spy in the Capitol technology facilities. Whilst they talk, I assess the young woman. From her name and occupation I think she's from District 3. Good, thank god she doesn't have a stupid Capitol name like Glitter or Sweetie or Sunshine. Her beautiful dress looks expensive, the black sequins sweeping the floor dramatically. I feel a silly rush of jealousy. Rye has a certain hardness to her, the way she holds her head, her proud straight back. She reminds me of the little dogs people in the Seam use to get rid of the rats from their homes. Small and cute yet resilient, tough.

_I can protect you and provide for you in ways he never can._ Yes, Rye will let Gale protect and provide for her but she can also hold her own. Reluctantly, I warm to her.

"Katniss?" Peeta squeezes my hand pulling me out of my thoughts. I notice Gale and Rye staring at me, Gale concerned, Rye confused. I've missed something. "Rye was just asking you about our plans whilst we're in the Capitol?"

"Oh, erm, Peeta is taking me somewhere tomorrow, it's a surprise. And then we are going home, back to 12" I answer. Gale frowns slightly, nobody else sees it.

"What a shame, I was going to suggest we could all go out tomorrow evening. Perhaps next time?" Rye beams at us. She clearly has no idea about my past with Gale, the lies he has told or the hurt he has caused. Well, it isn't my place to inform her.

"Yes, maybe" I reply, equally as sweet. Of course this is never going to happen but I decide to play nice and humour Rye. We say our goodbyes, Rye kisses my cheeks, or rather the air beside them. Peeta and Gale exchange curt nods. Then it comes to Gale and I. How do you say goodbye to someone you once loved? Someone who used to be your only close friend? Someone who you screamed at, swore you'd never see again?

Gale leans down, his hand placed on the small of my back. He kisses my glowing cheek firmly, no daft floating pecks. Peeta's grasp tightens, nearly crushing my fingers. I grit my teeth against the pain, not letting Gale see the stress he is causing for Peeta. And then they are gone.

* * *

As soon as the hotel room door is shut I am slammed up against it. Peeta's mouth is on mine, hot and urgent. He lifts me up, using the door to support me. I bind myself to him, locking my legs together around his waist. His hands glide across my thighs, reaching my already damp underwear. Peeta is too much of a gentleman to of made a public show in front of Gale but now he possesses me, showing I am his in every way.

He leads me to the bed and turns me so I face it. Slowly he unzips my dress and lets it pool at my ankles. My bra joins the frothy material on the floor. I shudder as his lips stroke my shoulders; making their way down my spine. My whole body is tingling at his touch, electricity flowing through my veins. He spins me and resumes his kissing at my stomach. Suddenly I am thrown onto the bed; Peeta is on top of me, his need immediate. I pant in excitement. I wriggle Peeta out of his underwear and he returns the favour. We are both ready. Parting my legs, I feel his erection rubbing my clit. He lifts up my legs and thrusts into me, fast and hard. I grip the blankets, trying to keep hold of reality as my head spins, my eyes roll. Peeta's hand slips between us. I moan as he rubs circles into my clit, speeding up, matching the pace of his hips. And then I give in to the intense sensation, we climax at the same time, our groans echoing around the room.

* * *

We walk along the street beside each other, our interlocked hands swinging between us. People shoot sly glances our way, we _are_ famous. I roll my eyes but ignore them. The heat of the sun feels wonderful on my face, the cool breeze fans out my hair. Flavius made it look so nice last night I decide to leave it down. It did need taming a bit, after our passionate evening. The memory causes my lower muscles to twinge, I almost feel my pupils dilate. I shake my head, how can one person have such an effect on me?

Iron gates come into view. They are tall and heavy, but handsome. Metallic vines snake around the bars. Through them I can see a paved pathway lined with young trees. We wander into the park and explore. Spending most of my life with nature, I know the place is new. The grass has that fresh, dewy look to it. The flowers are just starting to bloom, rising up from the soil. They are so pretty, every colour imaginable. Something tells me they are real, not the fake manufactured kind the Capitol plant. I've never seen anything as pure and lovely in this city, not on the television or during any of my visits here.

"Peeta, what is this place?" I ask, gazing up at him.

"I'm not sure what they called it, I guess they had some fancy name. But everybody just calls it Their Gardens" he says.

"Their Gardens? Whose?" I question, curiosity pouring into my voice. Peeta pulls me along the path, we take a sharp corner practically running. He stops suddenly and points.

"Theirs..." he whispers.

My feet move forward, of their own accord. In front of me towers a wall. From the rushing sound, I assume there is a river running behind it. The wall is covered in faces, all painted with such precision and intricacy. Only one person could produce such beauty.

There are many, many faces I do not recognise of course. But among them I find some I know, some I loved. Rue, Cinna, Boggs, Castor, Mitchell, Lyme. The stunning sea-green eyes belonging to Finnick look out across the lawn. Right near my feet is my baby sister. My fingers stroke her hair, Peeta has woven the flowers she was named after through it. I fall to my knees and press my wet face against hers. A whole year. A whole year she has been gone, my little duck. I'd forbidden myself from thinking about her until now. I whisper a final goodbye to Prim. Just like I did on the train to the Quarter Quell, I unlock the cage in my mind and set her free, this time it is forever.

Eventually I stand up and continue my viewing of the memorial. Not all the people are dead though. I see Paylor, Plutarch, Haymitch, Beetee, Gale. Peeta is near the middle of the montage. He once told me he hates painting himself. Of course I'd guessed that Peeta was told to create the wall but this just confirms my suspicions. The painted Peeta is stood back to back with the Mockingjay. I stare up at myself. Yes, only he could paint me in such a light. No fancy dresses, no garish makeup or elaborate hair styles. I did expect to be in my Mockingjay suit though. But the collar of my father's old hunting jacket is just visible underneath my usual braid. The string of my bow is pulled back, resting next to my lip. He has painted me. Not a piece in somebodies games, not a doll for the Capitol to dress up, not a rebel. But me, Katniss.

"When...when did you do this?" I finally ask him. I lean my head on his shoulder, needing the support.

"It was part of my therapy. I wanted to go back to 12 but Dr Aurelius thought I required further assessment so they gave me this job. It helped channel my thoughts apparently. There was a big opening before I left, I wanted to invite you but they said you were still..."

"Crazy" I finish for him, tapping the side of my head. He laughs into my hair. "Thank you Peeta".

"I thought you would like to see it. And...I wanted to ask you something else" he has become nervous for some reason. He moves in front of me and presses his forehead to mine, our noses touch. And then in front of all the people we have loved and lost, the boy with the bread asks me.

"Katniss, will you marry me, please?"

I nod, tears of happiness fill his eyes. "Yes".

* * *

**Yay! Still not finished though! Thank you for still reading, leave me reviews let me know what you think please!**


	10. Chapter 10

I watch my wiggling toe poke out from the bubbles. Focusing on one thing usually calms my nerves. Not today apparently. I take several deep breaths, blowing suds into the air. _Why am I so scared?_

"Katniss?" my mother calls up the stairs. "Are you out of the bath yet?"

Coming back here was hard for her. Since my father died, I've known my mother is a weak woman in many ways. She cannot handle death, no, she cannot accept it. After years of watching men, women and children dying on her table, you'd think she was used to it. But I've seen her working face, emotionless, hard. So different to the tortured expression I saw when she first entered Prim's room. She doesn't let the dying strangers get under her skin. My father, Prim, they were different. I am haunted by my sister's death but I have come to terms with it; I doubt my mother ever will.

When I opened the front door to her yesterday, I not only let her into my home, but back into my heart. Loving Peeta has made me understand the pain she must have suffered when her husband died. My mother needs me and finally I have admitted to myself that I need her.

"Katniss?" she is outside the bathroom now.

"I've nearly done. I'll be out in a minute. Are they here?"I reply. When I asked the trio to come today I had meant as guests. But they insisted on making me up, their gift to me. My mother pokes her head around the door; her large blue eyes alight with joy.

"Yes, Octavia wanted to come up for you but I said I would. Are you okay? They are all so excited!" she exclaims.

I wrap myself in my old cream robe and pad down the stairs. I gape at the scene that greets me. The living room now resembles a small scale beauty salon. There are big expandable cases dotted around, dryers and tongs litter the table, and I have to laugh when I spot the revolving chair. My prep team leap from the sofa, eager to get their hands on me. Even though the Capitol has changed, I don't think the fashions ever will.

Flavius' hair is now cerise pink, the ringlets bounce like springs, a mind of their own. His lipstick is such an icy blue, I think I could get frostbite from just looking at his pout. Octavia is now a mild shade of lilac. Posy was right; she is pretty in any colour. Her auburn hair is positioned like mini barrels all over her head. They both have their finest clothes on, draped in silk and rich velvets. Venia, however, is dressed down by her standards. Her gray hair is now flat, the scary aqua spikes a thing of the past. She wears hardly any makeup and her nails are bare. Only the gold tattoos reveal her Capitol heritage. _Strange_, I think. But before I can ask, I am sucked up into a whirlwind of brushes, powders, tweezers and clippers.

* * *

At about 11 o'clock they let me take a break, warning me not to peek at my reflection! I eat a cheese bun carefully, trying not to smudge my face. I savour the bread, wishing I was with the baker who made it. I know he's only across the street and I know I will see him soon. This doesn't stop me missing him though. Last night was the first we've spent apart since he returned. My mother insisted he spent the night elsewhere, _tradition_. Peeta gave his house to Hazelle and the kids, so Haymitch gained a guest. We chose to live in my house a couple of months back, he didn't say it but he knew I wanted to be close to Prim's room. Automatically I reach into my pocket for my pearl but find it empty. Panic swells up inside me until I remember it's in my drawers upstairs.

The dark circles under my eyes are not the only consequence of my restless sleep. I yawn through most of my makeover, Octavia bristles every time. When I stretch for the sixth time, she snaps, ordering me to kitchen, _if you won't take the wake up pills at least have some coffee!_ Standing by the sink is Venia, chatting away to my mother who is fussing over my bouquet of pale orange flowers. I frown, wondering what they could possibly have in common. As I pour hot water into my mug I listen to the odd pair.

"...so I only have one week at the studio and then I start. I've always wanted to do it but I was made to work for the Games" Venia is telling my mother. "I mean, I did enjoy working under Cinna but before him things were awful, the last stylist beat me black and blue. These tattoos, an experiment of his". Venia traces the swirls of her inked forehead, she doesn't seem upset, just matter of fact. I get the feeling she's never had the chance to tell anyone her story.

"Why did you _have _to work for them? Who made you?" my mother implores, as intrigued as I am, only she dares to ask. My mother is naive to many of the Capitols horrors.

"Jellan Pinkie, eurgh, that woman! My father owed her money, but he couldn't pay it" she says, disgust curling her top lip. I remember being told once that half the Capitol citizens are knee deep in debt.

"Jellan told him that if I worked with her for 6 years then the debts would be cleared. He agreed, I was 11 then. For 17 years I was passed around the Games, I've cleaned after horses, held spears for tributes and then I joined the prep team. Jellan threatened me with my family's lives, keeping me for free against my will. I had a nice house of course, expensive clothes, anything I wanted really. But no matter how luxurious a lifestyle is, if it's not the one for you, then you will never be happy" she sighs. I agree, if I was forced to live lavishly in the Capitol I would be miserable. Venia always seemed relatively happy to me, perhaps after so many years she just accepted her future and conformed to the cultures of the city. I look at the woman in my kitchen in a whole new light, like she has stepped out of the Capitol shadows.

"Jellan was killed during the war, her office blown up" Venia tells us with an eerie smile. "So I am free now, I can finally become a nurse!" Now it makes sense, her conversation with my healer mother. "Anyway, come on Katniss! Let's finish your hair!"And the old Venia is back, acting like hair is the most important thing in this world. She puts on her working mask, just like my mothers. Although Venia's is elaborate and excitable it is also a coping mechanism.

* * *

Two hours later I am revealed to myself. Octavia and Venia hold giant mirrors in front of my new face. I look...beautiful, I have no idea how they did it, but they made me look beautiful. It's like they have softened my face, made it flawless and then brought out my features. My face is all cream and roses, I glow attractively, highlighting my now high cheekbones. The dark circles have completely disappeared. My bright eyes are huge, eyelashes tickle my arched brows now. My lips are pink and pert, outlined like a dolls

My hair tumbles past my chest in loose curls, I hadn't realised just how long it had grown. My mother slides an ornate grip into the side; I recognise it as her mothers. Prim and I used to take turns wearing it when we were younger.

"Thank you" I whisper to my prep team. I make eye contact with each of them, trying to show them just how grateful I am.

* * *

My mother comes into my room, cradling the protective dress bag. _If you ever get the private wedding you deserve, then look in your mother's closet. _It turns out that Cinna made one more wedding gown. It is stunning, yet simple. And so different to the hideous Capitol creations I was once destined to wear. I reach my arms into the air as Mother slips the dress over my head. My shoulders and arms are completely bare, emphasising the sweetheart shaped neck line of the dress. Cream lace flowers coat the bodice. It tucks in underneath my breasts, smoothing down my stomach and then floating out to the floor. With every movement the material ripples, making me look fluid and graceful. _Thank you, Cinna. _Why did he make me this dress? Was he just hoping or did he know I would one day need it? Did everybody know I loved Peeta before I did? Cinna, Prim, Finnick, even Gale. Did Peeta creep up on me, like Annie did Finnick, or was I just blind to my feelings, afraid to admit them to myself? I suspect the latter.

"Katniss, you look..." words seem to fail my mother, I blush at her reaction. She kisses my cheek and leaves the room. I perch on the edge of my bed, unable to control the shakes; but sitting doesn't help so I just pace the floor. Eventually there is a knock on the door, Haymitch. He walks in and stands in front of me.

"I've seen you enter two Arenas, lead a rebellion and end a war, yet here you are a nervous wreck on your wedding day" he chuckles, of course he is exaggerating but it feels like a needed slap in the face. _Get a grip Katniss._

"Here" he says, unceremoniously passing me a long thin box. I eye it suspiciously and frown at him. "It's not from me".

I take the box and read the fancy writing on the lid.

Miss Everdeen

Inside lays my pearl. Except it is now threaded onto a delicate silver chain. I have no idea when he did it, or how, all I know is it is absolutely perfect. How does he know these things? Exactly how to make me so happy. And just like that my nerves have vanished. I pass the box back to Haymitch and turn so he can put on the necklace. It lies in the hollow of my neck, I rub it against my lips, pleased it will still reach.

Haymitch presses his head against mine, his eyes clear and sober.

"Katniss, I take back what I said, you do deserve him. Now come on sweetheart, the boy will be waiting!"I link my arm through his and we begin our journey to the altar, mentor and tribute, together.

* * *

The smell of burning bread fills the living room. Peeta and I are sat on stools in front of the fire holding the long metal forks over the flames. Laughter echoes around the room at Haymitch's joke. "_The Girl on Fire and The Boy with the Bread makes toast"_. We unload our forks onto the plate and take a bite of the toast each before sealing the ritual with a kiss. The guests explode into applause and rush forward to congratulate us. I am smothered in hugs and kisses; my happiness is reflected in every persons face.

Annie Odair astonishes me by gathering me up into her arms, stroking my hair and whispering her well wishes. She introduces me to her mother, a woman whose maternal instincts practically seep from her pores as she watches her daughter carefully. I ask about the baby, who is with his Grandpa in 4, Annie lights up when talking about him. Johanna bobs up beside us, slapping me on the back in congratulations. She nods her head at Peeta, who is talking to Delly and some surviving school friends I do not know across the room and declares "I knew you two were meant to be together, anyone who goes that crazy over someone else must love them".

Annie flinches slightly and wanders away with her mother in tow. Johanna just grins at me. I spot Hazelle and the children, beside her stands Rye chatting excitedly away to Gale. There were so many arguments over his attendance; surprisingly it was Peeta who thought he should be here, he insisted that my old best friend should be at my wedding. After a couple of days I just gave in, if Peeta can forget Gales actions then so must I. I don't truly believe Peeta has forgiven Gale at all, but he is right, Gale is the past. My mother also fought Peeta's corner, she said it would be rude not to invite him. Of course she has no idea what has happened between us. I make my way over to the Hawthornes and Rye.

Hazelle cups my face and kisses my cheeks.

"I always thought you would be my Daughter-in-Law" she whispers. I pull back and gape at her, touched at her sincerity and yearning but angered by how inappropriate her words are. Hazelle glances guiltily at her son and Rye before apologising to me. "Sorry Katniss that was wrong to say, I am very happy for you" she says earnestly.

Posy pushing forward to admire my dress thankfully ends the strange exchange between Hazelle and me. The little girl runs her hands over the silk, telling me how pretty I look. Over her shoulder I see Rory, quietly toying with the pink primrose attached to his lapel. Perhaps the Everdeens and Hawthornes would have become in laws, but not through Gale and I.

Rye embraces me, grinning from ear to ear, like we are the best of friends. I should introduce her to Delly. And then I am staring into the familiar piercing gray eyes. "Well look at you Catnip" he teases. Under his gaze I feel 15 again, not the 19 year old woman I am. I scowl at Gale which just makes him laugh. No matter how much I try, I cannot rid him from my life. So I just shrug and accept it, maybe we can be friends again one day, maybe.

"Well, one of us had to grow up" I retort. Rye beams at the two of us, wrapping her arm round his neck to pull him down for a kiss. I walk away; glad we can be civil with each other.

The dancing is fantastic. We join hands and skip around the living room, which has been cleared of all furniture except the chairs that line the edges. Peeta and I twirl together in the middle of the circle surrounded by our friends and family. We cut the cake baked by Peeta, a simple white sponge covered in tiny flowers that match my bouquet. We say our thanks to everybody for coming, sending them off with all our love. And finally we fall into bed together, reunited there at last.

Peeta kisses me intensely, his lips caressing mine. I run my hands desperately all over his body, tearing off his suit until he is naked in front of me. He sits back and lets me look at him. "Mrs Mellark I think that dress needs to come off" he murmurs playfully. I gasp into my pillow as my husband unzips the dress, trailing his tongue down my back and round to my front.

* * *

**Sorry for the delay but this chapter was sooooo difficult to write! Now, the part about Venia probably seems really random but I always thought there was a bit more to her (: also, I took ages deciding whether or not Gale should be there but I've just reread Mockingjay and saw how deeper their friendship was so I decided to have him there! When I'm describing clothing, like the wedding dress, I don't put to much detail because I know I like to imagine things how I would want them (: hope you like it, leave me reviews, love you all for reading! :D**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hiya everyone! Really sorry for the big delay on this chapter, I've just gone back to uni so I've been really busy lately! Hope you enjoy the second to last chapter and leave reviews!**

* * *

The first time I truly see it is when Annie comes to visit.

* * *

I open the door to the odd young woman and her son, not knowing what to think. The toddler peeks at me from behind his mother's legs, wary of the stranger. I greet Annie warmly, it's nice to see her after so long, I think the last time I saw her was the wedding.

"Flynn, this is Katniss, can you say that, Katniss?" Annie says, crouching next to him. Flynn. His name is so similar to his fathers, but with its own special twist. It is perfect. Flynn frowns slightly as he tries to say the new word, his skin puckering between those sea-green eyes, just like Finnick's used to. I guide them into the house and settle Annie onto the sofa, plying her with tea and biscuits. I offer Flynn a cookie, using my softest voice, which he takes cautiously. He sits cross legged in front of his mother and opens up a little blue rucksack, taking out some toys.

Fluent conversation is still rare with Annie Odair, as it always will be. Her big eyes become vacant at points or they focus on thin air for minutes at a time before blinking back into today. I am patient though and slowly she relaxes. I am also extremely careful with what I say, sticking with safe topics like her mother, her job, Flynn. I let her control the conversation if she wants to talk about 'things' then we will.

Annie is telling me about a giant net she helped make back in 4 when she suddenly stops speaking. Her hands clamp down over her ears and her breathing quickens. Just as I lean forward to comfort her, the 3 year old boy beats me to it. I cannot believe my eyes. Flynn abandons his trucks on the carpet and clambers into his panic stricken mother's lap. He gently wraps his tiny fingers around hers, pressing his forehead against hers. The child murmurs quietly to her, just as his father used to. I stare in wonderment. I can almost see the love flowing between them, the bond I have heard so much about but never understood or desired.

Annie hugs the boy to her and then gives me a small apologetic smile before resuming her story. I wish for the thousandth time that Finnick was still alive to see his son caring for fragile Annie. He would be so proud. I wish it so much it hurts.

* * *

The front door swings open just as I serve the pair a plate of sandwiches. Flynn freezes and looks at me for reassurance instead of his mother. I beam at the child and introduce him to the flour covered Peeta, who kneels down and offers his hand to the boy.

"Hello young man, you must be Flynn" Peeta says. Flynn giggles and shakes Peeta's hand, delighted to be treated like a grown up. Within a few minutes Flynn adores Peeta. He sits bouncing on my husband's knee, excitedly telling him about a game he invented with his Grandpa. I watch, amazed, at how easily Peeta communicates with the little boy; gasping when the tale twists, laughing when necessary. So quickly I cannot follow, Flynn changes subject, he is now explaining how he paints with his fingertips to make pictures for Mummy.

"Do you like to paint Flynn?" Peeta asks. He receives an enthusiastic nod in reply and I know Flynn owns Peeta now. The child is whisked into the air and the pair set off to the kitchen. Peeta pauses at the doorway and looks questioningly at Annie, who smiles her permission, clearly pleased with how happy her boy is.

She looks back at me and asks "Can we go for a walk Katniss?" I find the request odd but like many of Annie's actions, I take it in my stride and pull on my boots.

* * *

I show Annie around my District. I take her to the new Hob, to Rance's Bakery and the tiny clothes shop. People stare at my strange companion, only looking away when they notice me glaring. They all know her she is –from the games, the rebellion, the televised wedding- and they all know of her condition. They flush guiltily at their impoliteness. Good.

Slowly we make our way to the small memorial in the square. There is a larger one outside the train station, I hate it. _District 12, Home of the Mockingjay, _the sign reads. The bird statue is huge, its wings spread wide. Peeta, Haymitch and I had to stand for our picture, uncomfortable smiles plastered on our faces. "_At least it ain't your fac_e" Haymitch had said to me.

The town memorial is much nicer, fitting. It is a beautiful plaque, adorned with flowers and vines. Every citizen of 12 who died in the rebellion has their name imprinted on the metal, forever remembered at home.

We stand silently in front of it. I glance at Annie and instantly regret bringing her here. Her eyes do not have the other worldly distant glaze. They are here, smack bang in reality, in the world without her Finnick. Just as I am about to suggest we leave she reaches for my hand, entwining her fingers with mine. I hold her carefully, like she is made of glass.

"Thank you Katniss" she whispers "for keeping him sane when you two were in 13 and I...was not. You were his anchor when I couldn't be; you kept him together for me. In the short time you knew each other he loved you very much, I want you to know that". I swallow to fight back the sobs. I can tell she has rehearsed the little speech, knowing exactly what she wanted to say and when.

Mentally, I add Annie and Flynn Odair to the ever growing list of people I will do anything for. They were probably already on the list, for Finnick, but now they are there for me too. We walk back home, hand in hand.

* * *

The laughing fills my ears before I even reach the kitchen. Explosions of colour cover the table, I silently thank Peeta for laying down paper first. The two boys are absorbed in their painting, both using their fingers to create vibrant patterns. I'm glad to see Peeta also thought to protect Flynn's clothing with an old shirt. Annie and I watch the pair for a while, her eyes on her son, mine on my husband. And that's when it hits me; slaps me right across the face.

Peeta needs to have children.

As sure as I know my purpose is to love Peeta, I know he was put on this earth to be a father. I recoil at the thought, although I have probably already known this deep down. And now I stare down into the well inside me, where my greatest fears live. Except, there is no reason for me to be scared, for me to never have children. There are no games anymore, no needless slaughter of the innocent. We now live in the world I wished for in the Quell, a world where Peeta's child would be safe.

But still, after years of reluctance, years of swearing I never would be a mother, how can I just change my mind?

Peeta drags his gaze away from the child and fixes it on me. Peeta. I feel him travel through me, unlocking every door I ever closed for myself, he is my key.

And then I know, I want to have his children. Not just to make him happy but because I want them, I want to complete our little family

* * *

That night I voice my thoughts to Peeta. His face lights up- relief, joy, love, concern- all of these emotions pass through his eyes.

"Are you sure?" he asks.

In reply I latch my lips to his. He loses himself in the kiss, tasting my mouth with his tongue, letting his hands roam all over my body.

"Katniss" he murmurs, pulling away slowly, turning our passionate embrace into a series of fleeting touches.

"Katniss, we have to be sure about this, it is a big step to take" he says firmly. Impatiently, I roll over and slide open the drawer next to my bed. I take out the small pot of Capitol bought pills. The little herbal shop in the town sells contraceptive tea but it tastes awful.

I cross the room and hold the jar over the bin. Peeta watches me intently as I say "This is what I want, I'm ready" just like I did when convincing him to have sex with me for the first time. I drop the pills into the bin, producing a satisfying rattle. Peeta moves to kneel at the edge of the bed, not taking his eyes off me. I stand in front of him, drinking in the sight of his beautiful eager face. I stand in front of him, biting my lip as he removes my shirt and bra.

The soft cotton glides over my arms, sending shivers all over my body. I close my fluttering eyes as Peeta runs his tongue over my collar bone and I give myself up to my future.

* * *

**The last chapter should be on within a few days now I've finished uni for Christmas! I'm just finishing it now :D hope you are all still enjoying, leave reviews! Thank you!**


End file.
